Worries : the ghost in you.

Worry. Worry. Worry. the 5 letter words is very very scary in a way. worry gives birth to sadness, depression, fear, illness and many many more. This is almost ghost in everyone that haunt you. some people had lesser worries and some people had more. how many of us would say lets nature take its course? when your baby starts to develop, they start to sit, crawl, walk, run and jump. me Myself had the most worries, all of us even me would say let it be, but sometimes i am more worries, especially when i babysit my son in the lounge, because there's staircase, theres alot of powerpoint, theres sharp edgy furniture, and this is why when i am abit tired, i would end up quarelling with my wife on not taking of our son properly.

this is something that is unavoidable, worry just popped out in me. why? the risk and probablity of accident is higher. i am not a good risk taker. i dont wish to see my son knock on sharp edgy furniture and sees bloods. so when my wife is busy with her matters, i would carry my son up to our own room, where i would lock up the bathroom entrance, switch on the fan and aircond, unplugged all the unnecessary. wallahhhhh....lucky thing is i have always fond of minimalist design, so my room is very empty in a way. now my son would be happy to walk and crawl around without me worrying, even if its a fall, i know it is only bearable pain that he will goes through. this is how i combat worries.

and some people who dont want worrys in life, they spend what they want, do what they want, and say what they say. these people are pure ignorant. they said why worry, live for today, i think alot of people had misunderstood the term live for today. when u live for today u live with a plan, not that sort of no worry be happy, do what u want now and worry about it later. when u starts to worry, u will regret on what u did, and u will have greater worry in the end. lets just assume i am a very down to earth person ( as i grow older of course) i dont expect miracle to happened on me, u need to work extra hard to earn that ( at least in most matter).

okie done with my whining today. lets enjoy my painting of HairyBarry the furball monster that is always light and fluffy so it can bounce and glide with the wind easily like a tarax.

hope all of find a method to combat the worries. Worry bound to happen on anyone, but hey there's always ways to combat it, but the rule of thumb is focus, calm, analyze then seek solutions.

music is my life, art feeds the soul.

music plays a big part of my life, same goes for arts. i still remember back in the days when i am a toddler, i used to have breaksfast 2 doors away from my dad's office. almost every other weekend i will be there, and right between the restaurant and my dads office, its a half shop selling cassettes. mum would sometime bring me in when she heard some nursery rhyme, and i would want to pick the set with a song book with coloring feature on it. i will then play the cassette on a small player at my mums room and sing along with it. but thats not the end of the story, the song book usually has coloring feature on it. and then i would like to see how these people draw mary and the lamb, baby in the rocker,  london bridge and this goes on. and i will want to color these things, because its a fused of song book and coloring book.

as i grow up, we would never skip the era of tommy page, mc hammer, vanilla ice, michael jackson, duran duran and many more, i only get the chance to buy 1or 2 cassette in a year, i would mingle around looking and looking for the best buy, in this case would be the artist i like most with the cheapest price.

when i enter the teen hood, i would save money to buy 1 cassette every month. not long after that i started to go very differently in selecting the album. i buy cassettes with nice album art, when i open up the cassette i would be a little bit depress if the album only has a cover without lyrics and heaps of album art. but through this weird selection process, it had help me to discover a lot of great bands and great artist. back then its not like how it is today, back then living in a small town with very little exposure of public mall music, not mentioning about internet free environment and raising in a typical community, getting exposed to foreign music is very very very very limited.

so i have been growing with musics, lots of them, every different time, with every different kinda tune, rap, trip hop, hip hop, rnb, soul, reggae, ragga, alternative, punk, rock, metal, universal, drum and base, trance, and many many more. 1 thing i can conclude, these music don't only come in to as a tune or rhymth, it came to me with more than that. ART. images, colors i can't describe, these things flows in motion, i am not sure any one of u has that. sometimes when i play music, i would imagine thousands of picture forming a stop motion of some event.

thanks you music, thank you art. even now i still doesn't achieve anything in arts. but i am happy i got u.

ps: dear mummy and my precious, if u read this, don't worry, both of u are way above it, as i put both of u before my life.

Control

a while ago a friend had told me dont worry about tomorrow live for today. then just yesterday a fren told me about his worries, i told him the same too. well, i have sort of understands the meaning of that in the earlier days, but the thing is i dont seem to know i am already doing it. But steve jobs, and rage against the machine had helped me to elaborate this very very well.

" what should i do, i am broke, i am old, i have big loans to pay, i have wife, i have parents, i have kids, i have a job to secure, i dun even know shit about other things, i want to be successful but i am nothing." May have tried self help book, many have listen to audio book. Tony Robbins: awaken the giant within, the power of concentration. the book from Richard Branson, Robert kiyosaki. Has this help? Yes in a small way, and Nope in a bigger way. If by just mere reading u could be successful, then they wouldnt make millions in selling u books.

My scripts here are no secrets, i dont offer rich vision, but what i could share is talking about the "Right Motto in Life". Live for today. as quoted :

Who controls the past now controls the future
Who controls the present now controls the past

Even this is a critic to the government, but u can also relate it to your life. if you can control the present now means u have alredy control the past, which leads u to be able to control the future. 
Well what you did or do today might not be beneficial as in immediate, but as steve jobs says 

"life is about connecting dots" 

As long as u love the thing u do it, then just do. even if it doesnt make any use as of current, but who can assure u that u dont need it in the future, aight? the more dots u gained in your life the better possibilities to connect them together and form a big picture.

So its simple, u love it, do it. if u bitch about what u cannot achieve today, tomorrow you will still be bitching about yesterday, and u will end up wasting time to bitch about yesterdays. 

So now i am simple, just do what will make u happy today, if tomorrow u really doesnt make it big or be what u wanted to be, at least u still have a happy yesterdays, right? 

Live life good.

                           Whats the point of colourful life, when urself is always in black and white?

211112 : Event in my life

life's a bitch. been sick and tired for 2 weeks. something had happened. very big incident that hasn't happened for a very long time. this time my feeling towards it is a little bit different. i don't even fear, i have no anger. this time is quite different is it maybe that i am not so involved. some big guy is going mad, throwing stuff , he even kicked and smash a planting pot by the stairs. the other big guy which is the lil brother had a big fight with him knowing he did something that ruin the image of the body as a whole. and i was standing in between the brothers, my heart beats so fast and my hand and legs shivers, its not fear, its like a rush of adrenaline, i nearly got myself involved in a fight if it wasn't for the third big guy to appear. the fight is not something out of anger actually, i just felt this person has to be told off a bit, he has serve nobody good, at least in our terms, and yet he complains about us all the time, just because he gets a smaller bite of the cake.

he doesn't deserved the cake at all. and one thing. we find flour, sugar, butter and flavors for u, but u have to realize one thing, u don't own us. if this bakery is meant to be operated by robots, please go ahead, let the robot run the show. we are humans and we love to social, a quiet and dull place are only for machines.

now the day got hotter and the cloud came as usual, when i am about to go off, chatted with a goooood old buddy, this will be in my next post, i have spoken to him on what i thought, maybe thats because of what i tought, that makes me wiser.

reached home, my lil precious is holding against the front door grill waited for me, mummy told me he has been staring at the front door for very long since 6:30pm which is around the time when i am back. when mummy brought him back to couch he climb down and crawl towards the front door again, with the support of steel bar he holds and stood up. without playing around with the switch, the cable near the front door, just quietly holding the steel bar and waited for me. and when i am back mummy told me the whole stories, melts my heart. when i came down from car, he would just widen his eyes and smile, both arms reach out open for me to carry him up.

now this is something i want to write down. i was so tired, after my dinner , was just sitting with mummy watching tv pointlessly. until i heard a big cry out loud, precious cried, and mummy hugged him tight, until i raise my voice, feeling anxious of what hurt him, asking mummy to carry him to the couch and inspect any injury, after i carry him from mummy's hand, mummy shouted, lil one had blood around the mouth region, and he keeps on turning away refusing me to see whats going on. now i am tired, and mummy is too, so i lied on the bed, lil one took a long nap at the day, so he refuse to sleep early. and mummy couldn't stand my mood and guess what? i am here typing this blog alone in the guest room.

well okie, she said she is very pressure seeing my 2 cents face. yeah maybe i am over worried as a father, and who wouldn't? if mummy doesn't care much thinking everything is fine, then daddy shud be.

Working is tiring. Why? i have been at great performance for 9 long years. imagine when times are bad,facing moody faces everyday. some client would just take the opportunity to squeeze, torture, abuse, smash, fuck, spit, screw, sodomised what ever u would think of to benefit themselves.

As a father, as a husband and as a son is also tiring. why? lil one is not even 1, since he is in mummys tummy, daddy would do anything for him. needless to say what else. being a son, have a loving mum and dad. siblings were okie. but the thing is being loved so much as a son, gets a bit tired, when u want to please everyone, i know mum and dad is the most understanding person in life, so worth the tire.

now come a husband, as a husband i want to give the best to my woman, but being a big spender during younger days, and spending few hundred thousands for houses, renovation and wedding, and even more a baby, things had never go easy as a husband. paying loans and bills. keeping up with unhappy things in work just to sustain. well, the truth is i don't want to sacrifice any of this status.

As myself. i have been fascinated by art since kids day, i draw on everything and i listen to almost any music, boom it out loud. i often find myself being left out by my own interest.always felt different, mum and dad never really fancy me drawing and venture into arts, i would always get cane and punish for drawing on my exercise book, u know life is not easy, mum did that for a reason. hardly anybody praise my works, no proper training. but again i venture into advertising line as a creative seller, now that u see me describe how my work, u shud know how i feel. i even fear to venture into design agency as a part of my career, but my passion for arts never dies, i still love drawing. i dun care how people think or feel, or maybe i do, but its okay to me. art is expression. art is feeling. art is emotion. u can see very differently if u can see and reason for yourself in seeing the difference between art and design.

so here now i wished myself luck. never really expect anybody to see this, because this works as a personal keeping, if anybody ever bump into this, i would be very happy to share a slice of my life with u. u will know i am a strong person.

a letter to some bosses.

dear mr want respect,

we are only employees, we are no slave, our mum and dad dont sell us to u. we only try our best to contribute to company hoping for a better life, and if some of us slack off, its because we dont want to move on, we just want to do as much as we were paid. its our choice. if hiring a social-able employee is so bad, why not u buy some robot to work for u.

please remember when time is good, we kept our mouth shut, we concentrate on work. we never expect a thank you from you. but when we are slightly free, we do expect to talk to fellow workmate to remind ourself we are not robot.

IF we go overboard we deserve a warning or a memo. yes every fault should be punished. but out of everything we do not expect to witness big dramas and shouting. this left us wondering what sort of company we ended up in.

Thanks,
employees